Kian Ann the heartless nerd

You know sometimes I really think back to the days I was in school - particularly during my times in secondary school and polytechnic. I was a very very focused person. Nothing distracted me. If work had to be done, it had to be done.

I remember paraphrasing my Geography textbooks - every single chapter of them. I remember recreating my programming lecture slides so I can understand them better (I still keep those, by the way)… and I would cycle home from school straight, and sit on the table for the WHOLE DAY just to get these things done.

And to think I actually got satisfaction out of that.

They paid off well, all the discipline and hard work. Things turned out very well during my school days. I was a hyper perfectionistic. I remember, I was doing a programming project with some friends, and I felt my group mates work wasn’t perfect, and in the last 3 days, as the nominated project leader, I redid the whole application myself… and I dumped their “lousy work” (and I think I didn’t even seek their approval for doing that.)

That was me. A nerd.

Sure, I got an “A” for my programming, but I got an big fat “F” as a human and friend.

You know, the funny thing is, at that point in time, I really didn’t know what I was doing to my group mates. I didn’t BOTHER how they felt, I just did what I did so I could get an “A”.

Today, after reading Todd Duncan’s book over the past two days, I realise that actually, A LOT of that perfectionistic, “couldn’t care less” character still lies in me… couldn’t care less, at least for the people I don’t know so well.

Is that hampering my growth today? How do I get rid of perfectionism?

You know what? I am blogging using the NON-WYSIWYG mode, not because its better, but because I want full control over the HTML I post! Its THAT bad.

Awful. I really need to work on killing my perfectionism and building my relationships.

Friends, thank you for bearing with the heartless nerd for 27 years. Give me a chance to work on improving myself. I’m struggling so please be patient with me, okay?