It’s almost October, and while I have quite a couple ‘private’ posts on this blog in between this and the one on “First Things First”, my last entry was way back in 1st August. Time flies. I’m almost 3 months in my job and 100% immersed into the role in the company.
I’ve been busy.
I’m taking time to write today because I realize lately that I complain too much, and something must be done to it. Not the ‘auntie’ type of yakking complaints, but that of late, my inner self talk has not been too positive.
I complain about the morning train being too packed.
I complain that I have limited options for breakfast if I don’t take a detour.
I complain that even though I have the luxury of leaving work on time, I still think about work at home.
I complain that the train trips being too long, that my feet always get numb from the hour long of standing.
I complain about not having that abundance of money and hence I’m still unwilling to pamper myself a little more with nicer meals, clothes and equipment.
I complain that I am always so tied up with activities that I have not got back on my running program for over a month.
I complain that I am not eloquent enough in my conversations to be able to speak up in the right situations and influence decisions.
… and because of all these negativity inside, I’m starting to see my days getting filled with pure agony and misery. Like I’m totally lost in the middle of the ocean with nothing to cling on to, and no land in sight. Heh… I’m not exaggerating – Horrid thoughts in my mind that I just don’t express these out verbally.
But I think its not a good way to live life, and its time to do a detox – a review, reset, reboot… whatever you call it.
It was lucky that this week I got back to listening my seminars and podcasts on my way to work. Got me started back Jack Canfield’s “Success Principles”, and listened to the first disk three times. That ingrained the first principle which I am committed to following – to take 100% responsibility for in my life, that I have a choice, and I decide how I feel each day.
There were also some observations:
I realize that as I get engrossed into the roles I play daily – as an employee of the company I work in, as a husband to my wife, a son to my parents, and a friend to many close mates, I tend to get into the thinking that I need to serve and be my best in these roles, with ALL the effort that I can muster.
Now that is not necessarily a bad way of thinking, but what’s happened without me realizing is that I also tend to sacrifice a lot of my personal time, resources, and energy to make sure that these relationships stay as sweet as possible whether or not the sacrifices are reasonable.
I end up looking at a day full of the little “sacrifices” – eating cheap, working extra hard, sleeping extra little, doing that extra research, and taking the detour. Seeing things from that perspective really makes me feel that my days are miserable.
I’ve decided its time to appreciate and reward myself a little, indulge in a little good food, sleep in a little longer, get some fresh clothes, put “saving for a rainy day” on pause for a day, don’t bother about waste, don’t trip the guilt trap… and really get myself happy again.
This weekend will be great to do just that – its a new month and its going to be a great start for the reboot.
Then I’ll follow through with some happy activities and happy commitments that will keep the energy high and brain functioning in right order – getting back on my running without stressing for clocking time or distance, (finally) getting started on my Adsense sites, committing to at least one “no thinking about work” evening each week, restarting on my multivitamin supplements, and getting on weekday vegetarian diet. These personal commitments will be put on priority and will be the big blocks of my life, while letting the lesser important stuff (stuff that I commit to to make others’ happy) flow and fill up the gaps.
I believe this ‘internal happiness’ will eventually show itself in all the stuff I do and the way I carry myself, resulting is better efficiency and effectiveness. It will get me in better shape physically, mentally, financially and in my relationships!
Yes! This sounds more right for me, and I’m really looking forward to see brighter days ahead!