Well, I’ve been trying hard to live a more “balanced” life.

Trying.

To sleep early, get some exercise, have regular working hours, enjoy short holidays and watch some TV shows like a normal person would. Yet as I post this, its again in the wee hours of the morning. 3.46am, to be exact. I’ve just got done with my monthly business accounting stuff… and I’m not done for the night. Not yet.

It seems to me that “entrepreneurship” and “balanced life” don’t seem to mix well. Choose one, or the other. There is no “best of both worlds” – not at least until the business has taken off from the ground and hired some rats to power its wheels.

These days, I feel like I shouldn’t even bother striving for a balanced life anymore.

Sometimes I look ahead of my business and wonder what lies ahead. How long more before my hunger is fed? Its been 3 years since I started the company I’m in. I know, I’ve had my horrible distractions and the first 2 years were pretty much like a total dump. But even after the past 1 full year of madness, I still don’t see the slightest streak of light at the end of this long dark tunnel.

Is this meant to be this way? Or what have I done wrong?

Time is running out. My personal expenses are soaring like crazy with that huge commitment I’ve made in that overpriced flat, and it feels to me that the income is not keeping up. Looking and thinking about those projected figures have literally kept me awake, tossing worried on my bed for so many nights.

On the other side of life, the responsibility is on me to care for the important people in my life, to spend time with them, and live up to their expectations. Even though they have been understanding towards my needs to work longer hours in my business, I sometimes feel so torn between life and work. Wished I had 240 hours everyday instead of 24.

Argh… That’s life for me.

I have my plans for my “escape” from this rat race that I’ve created for myself, and I have to do so before the end of the year. It is something different from what I have done in the past year – something that hopefully doesn’t require me to “be there” and answer calls and emails… and now I really just hope that I have enough energy in myself to push through the plan for it to work.

Push on Kian Ann. Its your only hope.

But the past few weeks of thinking and doing the things I do everyday has sort of guided me into the direction of seeking to “re-geek” myself in the area of web development, and to either teach what I learn in the process, or (better) use that skill to develop useful applications for business and marketing.

I must say, its a weird feeling – I sort of have a conscious thinking that “seeking more technical knowledge” will not bring me far enough, but on the other hand, when I read all those blogs explaining how they code their widgets, or consume those videos explaining the nifty jQuery tips, I get so pulled in and cannot wait to get my hands wet. I actually get excited when I need to write code!

Well, so let me trust my instincts this time, and take this next step in the direction of geekiness.

The issue is this – I’ve taken the route of entrepreneurship, the route to create my own destiny. And its been 3 years since I made that decision. While I have been able to “survive”, my current lifestyle is definitely not what I dreamt would be.

There is no doubt that if I continue to what I do, I will STILL survive – 5, 10, 20 years down the road. But I will still be “surviving”, not living. I’ve once set down by myself and thought what my “perfect day” would be like. I visualised that it would be a day in which working would be for enjoyment, not for survival.

In these self-realization sessions, I found myself to be a natural hermit. I don’t like talking to people. I love being with myself. I realise that when I have a whole week to camp at home in front of my computer, I’m elated! Not everybody is like that.

But I am.

Its never been my intention to start a serviced based business in the first place. But it was also not an option at that time. Providing services gave me the fastest route to my ricebowl.

And its time to rethink this. If I MUST be a millionaire in the next 658 days (before I am 30), what should I do? Jim Collins book said that great comanies focus on doing one thing better. The focus all their efforts to be the world best in ONE thing that makes them money, and treats almost everything else as a distraction.

So, what do you think I can be BEST in the world at, if I work at that ONE thing for the next 10 years?

The 财神 is very big! Means my HUAT will also be very big?

Don’t ask why I threw away a full pot of “curry” in my previous experience. Muahahah… total flop.

The idea that “2010 is here” has set in, and while one part of me is awsomely excited about the progress I’ve set out to make this year – getting and moving into a new home, get back my fitness, better focus in business… I also feel horribly stressed at times to fulfill the goals I’ve set for myself.

But I think stress is good. Without stress, there will be little progress.

Jia You Kian Ann!

Pretty cool eh? I can’t rename photos before uploading though. Filename not too good for SEO!

(this post’s layout was re-edited on a browser’s WordPress admin)

Besides, black is cooler.

1. create meaning, not money
2. create a mantra
3. get going – think different, polarize people, find a few soul mates (complementary skills)
4. define a business model – be specific, keep it simple, ask women about your business model
5. weave a MAT (milestones, assumptions, tasks)
6. niche thyself – create a unique product that is valuable to the customer
7. follow 10/20/30 rule – 10 slides, 20 minutes, smallest font is 30pts (title, problem, solution, business model, underlying magic, marketing and sales, competition, team, projection, status and timeline)
8. hire infected people
9. lower barriers to adoption – make it easy to adopt
10. seed the clouds – get it out there
11. don’t lets bozos pull you down

So cuuuuuute! hahahah!

Thanks PaMa!